My husband has a mistress. She is unpredictable and surprising. He plans to meet her days in advance, or just stops by with no warning at all. She’s into culinary arts, home decor, and even tech toys. But I’m not jealous. Why you say? Well, you see, she is a large, bulk-commodity, membership-only, discount warehouse. Her name is Costco. And I know where I stack up in this comparison–and why bother trying to compete.
Let me share an exchange from a few years back which unequivocally demonstrates my husband’s future obsession with buying in bulk. Yes, there were signs, even then.
For a few years I worked for a company that required a formal dress code (suit or blazer, hosiery, no open-toed shoes, etc.). This meant that outside of having a pretty boring weekend wardrobe (because all purchases were vetted against the “can I wear this to work” criteria, thereby sorting out anything fashionable), I also suffered from ridiculous dry-cleaning bills and the additional expense of women’s hosiery (pretty much a biweekly purchases of nylons). One day, after glimpsing the cost of a recent Walgreens splurge, my husband confusingly stared at me and innocently asked, “Gosh, do you think they sell those at Costco?”
To my knowledge neither on that day in 2003, nor currently are you able to buy bulk hosiery at Costco. Now, he and I have had several conversations about our Costco membership and best things to buy there. But, once you have uttered the words: “No honey, they don’t sell nylons in bulk at Costco,” you can be pretty well-sure that your significant other has a bulk-purchase addiction.
Other signs of said addiction:
- Unwilling to buy items at local grocery story without seeking co-dependant check-ins to bulk-retailer stock
- Slight paranoia of buying wine anywhere else, for fear of overpayment
- Stacked shelves of energy bars and flat-bread wraps overloading your pantry
- Large rectangular containers full of spinach overtaking your refrigerator
Now, there may be many more cues to give off such an affair, if you will, with the warehouse retailer—but this will get you started on looking for the signs.
This week, however, I have to say I’m a bit spoiled. You see Copper River Salmon is available and only $11/pound at Costco, making it the ultimate, limited-time best buy. I also have to admit that the Alaskan King crab legs we purchased for New Year’s Eve were pretty damn good.
I guess this is one extramarital relationship that I’m comfortable living with, at least for now …
Over talk: a blog written by someone who talks too much 